Escape to Paradise: Ark Beach Apartments Await in Split, Croatia
Escape to Paradise? My Chaotic Croatian Romp at Ark Beach Apartments in Split
Alright, buckle up buttercups, 'cause I just got back from a whirlwind trip to Split, Croatia, and let me tell you, "Escape to Paradise: Ark Beach Apartments Await" is both accurate and a complete oversimplification of the whole damn experience. It was… something. Let's just dive in, shall we? I'm still unpacking both my suitcase and my emotions.
Accessibility - Bless Their Hearts, Mostly!
The website promised wheelchair accessibility, and listen, they TRIED. The elevators, thank GOD, were a godsend, especially after attempting to navigate those steep, cobblestone streets of Split. However, things weren't always smooth. The ramp to the… let's just say the "Asian Brunch" (we'll get there) felt more like a ski slope than a gentle incline. And maneuvering through the pool area? Well, let's just say I developed a newfound appreciation for the phrase "graceful exit." Maybe they should consider some signage. And let's not even think about the beach access I never checked out, it might give me a flashback.
On-Site Accessible Restaurants/Lounges - The Case of the Missing Chopsticks
Okay, so the promise of "Asian cuisine in restaurant" and a "Vegetarian restaurant" got me really excited. We're talking dreams of delicate dumplings and tofu masterpieces! The reality was… a bit different. The Asian-inspired brunch was… an experience. Now, I'm all for fusion, but the fusion of "slightly-burnt-omelet" and "oddly-sweet-soy-sauce" left me scratching my head. We're talkin' eggs that I'm not sure any amount of hot sauce could save, and maybe the chopsticks got lost in translation? I had to hunt for salt, but the staff was super friendly, and that goes a long way.
Internet - Free Wi-Fi! But Can You Find It?
"Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!" screams the website. Bless those marketing wizards. But finding said Wi-Fi? Well, that was a whole other adventure. It reminded me of hunting Pokemon, but instead of finding a Squirtle, I found a frustratingly weak signal. Fine in the lobby, but in my room? Forget about streaming your favourite Netflix show. LAN connection in the room? Maybe if you can still remember how to setup a network cable. Maybe I'm a digital dinosaur, but still, a reliable Wi-Fi connection is, well, essential in 2024. At least the lobby was good, and I could upload my Instagram stories boasting about how I was "living my best life" in Croatia. (Lies, all lies).
Things to Do (and Ways to Relax) - Spa Days and Steam Room Shenanigans
Okay, this is where Ark Beach Apartments redeemed themselves. The spa? Divine! I’m a sucker for a good body scrub, and their "Body wrap" was pure bliss. I felt like a pampered mummy, and let's be honest, after the brunch situation, I needed it. The swimming pool with a view? Gorgeous! The sauna? Hot, like a proper sauna, and then I discovered the steamroom. The steamroom! I spent a solid hour in there, alternately giggling and contemplating the meaning of life. Definitely a highlight. The fitness center, well, frankly, after all the food, and the wine, I felt obliged to go. It was a good setup, even if I only lasted 30 minutes.
Cleanliness and Safety - Sanitizing Overload (in a Good Way, Mostly)
The COVID protocols? Impeccable. Seriously. “Anti-viral cleaning products,” “Daily disinfection in common areas,” the works. Hand sanitizer everywhere you looked. Even a "Room sanitization opt-out available" (though, let's be honest, who wouldn’t want sanitization in these times?). They had every possible angle covered – and honestly, after the last few years, it was reassuring. It's nice to know they're taking care of us.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking - Food, Glorious Food (and the Occasional Culinary Adventure)
Alright, let’s dive back into the food. The "Breakfast [buffet]" was… a bit of a mixed bag. The "Buffet in restaurant" itself was fine, a predictable spread, but I’m a bit of meat-eater, so maybe I'm biased. The "Coffee/tea in restaurant" helped me get through the mornings. And the "Poolside bar" was a lifesaver. Cocktails by the pool? Pretty hard to beat. The "Snack bar" was convenient, though I was hoping for more authentic options. I did have a delicious salad though at the "Salad in restaurant". The "Happy hour"? Excellent. The "Bottle of water"? Essential, especially when you're wandering around the ancient ruins of Diocletian's Palace.
Services and Conveniences - Concierge to the Rescue (and Other Useful Things)
The "Concierge" was fab - they managed to book me a last-minute excursion to Hvar, which was absolutely stunning. “Daily housekeeping,” "Laundry service" (after a few wine-fueled spills) and "Luggage storage" – all appreciated. The "Car park [free of charge]" was a definite bonus, with “Car park [on-site]” available too. So, I really cant complain about the infrastructure, they really did think of everything.
For the Kids - Babysitting? Hmm…
I didn't have any kids with me, but it seemed pretty family friendly. "Kids facilities" were available. The "Babysitting service" was a plus.
Rooms and Amenities - My Little Croatian Casa
My room? Okay, let's be honest, I asked for "Additional toilet" considering the food. It was… adequate. A "Bathrobes". "Blackout curtains" are a must when you're trying to sleep off a jetlag-induced cocktail coma. The "Coffee/tea maker" was a nice touch. The "Hair dryer" was appreciated. "Internet access – wireless," as we discussed, was… a challenge. "In-room safe box" was there, but I think I forgot half the code. "Refrigerator" was a lifesaver for keeping my wine cold. "Separate shower/bathtub." Nice, fancy. The "Wake-up service" actually worked (a miracle). "Wi-Fi [free]"… well, you know. "Window that opens" was a relief from the air con. Overall, it was comfortable. But not perfect
Getting Around - Airport Transfers and Other Shenanigans
"Airport transfer" was very welcome after my chaotic flight. "Taxi service" was readily available. "Car park [on-site]" was handy. I was on the fence about the "Bicycle parking" (considering I'm not exactly a cyclist) but who can say?
The Verdict: A Messy, Memorable Croatian Adventure
Look, Ark Beach Apartments isn't perfect. It’s got its quirks. The food is hit or miss, the accessibility has some kinks to work out, and the Wi-Fi is a diva. But, the staff try and are incredibly friendly. The pool and spa are fantastic. Split itself is stunning. Honestly, it's a solid choice, and a lot of fun. It was an adventure, and I made some great memories. Would I go back? Absolutely! Just maybe with a better data plan and a stash of my own travel chopsticks.
Escape to Paradise: Joe Beach Resort, Mamallapuram's Hidden Gem
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's itinerary. This is a chaotic, potentially sunburn-inducing, and definitely gelato-stained account of my "relaxing" week at Ark Beach Apartments in Split, Croatia. Let's be honest, "relaxing" is a strong word when I'm involved.
The "Best-Laid Plans (and the Reality of Those Plans)" Itinerary: Ark Beach Apartments, Split, Croatia
Day 1: Arrival, Jet Lag, and the Great Apartment Hunt (Or, "Where's the Freakin' Key?")
- Morning (6:00 AM - I think? Who knows, body clock is a MESS): Landed in Split. Thrilled! Also, I resemble a crumpled piece of paper. Jet lag is a beast. Took the airport bus – felt like a seasoned traveler already. Then, the walk to Ark Beach Apartments…which, Google Maps lied, felt like climbing Mount Everest in flip-flops.
- Morning (8:00 AM - More like "Whenever I finally find a coffee shop" time): Arrived! (Finally.) Ark Beach Apartments… gorgeous. Pictures are accurate, which is a win in the Airbnb world. Apartment is…well-equipped. Okay, where is the freakin’ key? Panicked for a hot minute, convinced I was locked out of paradise. Turns out, it was in a ridiculously obvious place. (Don't judge. Jet lag.)
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - The Great Carb-Loading Continues): Lunch! Found a little bakery and gorged on burek. God bless burek. And, oh my god, the coffee. This is why I came. Sun is blazing, and I'm pretty sure I'm already slightly pink. Already.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM-ish): Beach time! Okay, "attempted beach time." Found the nearest beach, which was… crowded. Like, sardines in a can crowded. Found a spot, claimed it with my towel. Then, promptly realized I hadn't applied sunscreen. Panic! Applied sunscreen. Realized I'd forgotten my book. Rage! Wandered around, did a little people watching(judging), and attempted to look like I was having a good time.
- Evening (7:00 PM - Dinner, and a Glimmer of Hope): Dinner at a konoba (Croatian tavern). Ordered grilled fish, which was delicious and cost less than my daily coffee habit back home. Maybe this trip won’t bankrupt me after all! Feeling slightly less crumpled. Saw the sunset over the harbor. Breathtaking. Damn. Starting to think this trip might be worth all the chaos.
- Evening (9:00 PM - Sleep is for the Weak (or at least, the Less Jet-Lagged)): Passed out. Pretty sure I didn't even make it to the bed.
Day 2: Diocletian's Palace and a Gelato-Induced Sugar Coma
- Morning (9 AM - Finally awake…ish): Okay, the jet lag is easing up. Or maybe it's just the sheer beauty of this place that's keeping me going. Diocletian's Palace! Found it! The architecture is mind-blowing. Wandered around, got slightly lost, which is basically my superpower.
- Morning (11:00 AM - The Quest for the Perfect Croissant): Did a little more wandering. I'm starting to see the "must do's" of the palace. Stopped at a tiny café for coffee. I’m a coffee snob, but I am having the best coffee of my life right now.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): Gelato! I repeat, GELATO. I ate three scoops. Three. One of them was pistachio. My god. I love pistachio. Actually, I think I just love gelato. Maybe this trip is just an excuse to eat gelato. (Not complaining).
- Afternoon (3:00 PM - The "Almost Lost My Phone" Incident): More wandering. Tried to take a picture. Could not find my phone… panicked for a solid five minutes. Backtracked, retraced my steps. Found it nestled in the shadow of some ancient Roman ruins. So grateful.
- Evening (7:30 PM - Dinner AND Drinks!): Found a restaurant with an ocean view. Ordered the seafood pasta. Delicious! Drank a little too much Croatian wine. Started talking to a random guy about the merits of different types of pasta. Am I making travel friends? Maybe.
- Evening (10:00 PM - Dancing in the Streets?!): Saw people dancing and just joined them. This is why I travel.
Day 3: Hvar Island – The Day I Almost Died on a Ferry (But the Lavender Fields Were Worth It)
- Morning (7:00 AM - The "Getting on a Boat Before I've Properly Woken Up" Adventure): Ferry to Hvar! Woke up groggy, chugged coffee, and somehow made it to the ferry terminal. The sea looks beautiful and the wind and sun make it perfect. The waves, however, are not.
- Morning (9:00 AM - Motion Sickness and Existential Dread): The boat ride… let's just say it involved a lot of clutching the rails, looking green, and questioning all my life choices. I'm not a good sailor.
- Afternoon - (11:00 AM - Hvar!) Finally arrive! The Lavender Fields!! The sheer beauty! Breathe it in! Take all the photos! The purple haze, the scent… seriously, if I could bottle this and sell it, I'd be rich.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - Lunch with a View): Lunch at a little restaurant overlooking the harbor. (Remember the boat ride? Trying to put that behind me.) Squeezed my way to the window and kept breathing.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM - The Beach Club Debacle): Found a beach club. Looked fabulous. Felt like I didn't belong. So, so, so many beautiful (and probably wealthy) people. Got a drink. It cost a small fortune. Was it worth it? Maybe.
- Evening (6:00 PM - The Ferry of Doom: Round Two): Return to the ferry. Prayed for a calm ride. Got it. This time around.
- Evening (8:00 PM - Back in Split, Exhausted and Exalted): Dinner, back at my apartment, and fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.
Day 4: Marjan Hill - The Hiking Attempt (Or, "The Day I Learned I'm Not a Mountain Goat")
- Morning (9:00 AM): Marjan Hill! Everyone said it was a "must-do." Decided to hike to the top. Ambitious? Perhaps.
- Morning (9:30 AM - The First Signs of Trouble): Realized I’d underestimated the heat. And the incline. And my questionable fitness level.
- Morning (11:00 AM - Halfway up to the Top, maybe?): Stopped to rest. Sweating profusely. Regretting all the gelato. The view, though… stunning.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - Surrender): Gave up. Got maybe halfway up. Took in the view. Had a picnic lunch.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM): Reward yourself with gelato and a nap.
- Afternoon (4:00 PM): Beach.
- Evening (7:00 PM): Dinner, at a new konoba.
Day 5: Trogir! (The Fairytale Town That Saved My Soul)
- Morning (9:00 AM): Train to Trogir. A UNESCO World Heritage site.
- Morning (10:00 AM): Trogir. Wow. The architecture, the narrow streets, the little shops. Feels like stepping into a movie set. Wandered, took pictures, got hopelessly lost (again!), and loved every second.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): Lunch by the harbor. People-watching, gelato, the whole deal.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM): More wandering. Found a tiny church, lit a candle, and actually felt a sense of peace. This place is magic.
- Evening (7:00 PM): Dinner and a last-minute sunset stroll.
Day 6: Apartment Days
- Morning (9:00 AM - The "I Don't Want to Leave" Blues): Slow start. Lounged around the apartment, staring at the sea view. Trying to savor the last few days.
- Morning/Afternoon/Evening: Beach, more gelato, dinner, and the realization that I never wanted to leave.
Day 7: Departure - The Bitter-Sweet Farewell (and the Promise to Return!)
- Morning (6:00 AM - The "Ugh, I Have to Pack" Routine): Packed. Made a quick
Question 1: Okay, so like, what *is* this whole FAQ thing even *about*? I'm already lost.
Alright, alright, settle down, newbie. Think of this as my attempt to answer questions I *think* you *might* have. Don't worry, I'm probably winging it just as much as you are. It's about… well, whatever pops into my chaotic brain when I think about "stuff." Maybe it's about life, the universe, and everything (doubtful). Maybe it's about what I had for breakfast (probably cereal, let's be honest). Basically, it's a peek inside my slightly-unhinged head. You’ve been warned. Seriously.
Question 2: I have a problem with my pet hamster. Can you help?
Look, I *love* a good rodent. But my area of expertise is… well, existing. I'm not a vet, a therapist, or a hamster whisperer. However, if your hamster is making you crazy… Hmm. Maybe it's the running wheel screeching? God, I hated that sound! Or the constant chewing? You know, maybe it's time to get a new cage. Or maybe, just maybe, it's time to let the little fella… go on a little vacation, if you get me. I can't officially suggest anything here, alright?
Question 3: So, you're saying you're not an expert on *anything*?
Bingo! Nailed it. But hey, the world is full of experts, right? I'm here to offer you some… perspective? Or maybe just some company while we all stumble through this whole "being alive" thing. I am, however, a *very* talented procrastinator. Expert level. I can put off anything with the best of them. (See? Told you I was good at *something*).
Question 4: What's your biggest pet peeve? Don't hold back.
Ooh, this is a good one! Okay, here goes: People who chew with their mouths open. Seriously. It's the sound of wet mouths and food. I can’t. Makes my skin crawl. Also, slow walkers in crowded places. They're the enemy! Oh, and the word "moist." Ugh. And people who *correct* my grammar! (irony alert!) Okay, I need to breathe. I think I might have a problem. Let's move on before I explode.
Question 5: What's the craziest thing that's ever happened to you?
Oh, man. Okay, buckle up. This is a long one, and it's probably best you stop reading if you're easily bored. Years ago when I was a teenager, (the era of my life I would like to completely, and I mean COMPLETELY forget about) I decided to get, and I am not even kidding, a pet ferret. Yes, a ferret. I thought it would be cool. "Exotic," I figured. My parents thought it was a terrible idea, and they were right. So I convinced my friend's mom to drive us to a pet store, I’m talking hundreds of miles away. We got the ferret (named, appropriately, "Chaos.") Well Chaos… chaos was a fitting name. He escaped. CONSTANTLY. Now, picture this: me, a clueless teenager, trying to wrangle a ferret in a house. He would find his way under the cabinets, the furniture, then suddenly he’d be gone. He'd find a hole where there wasn't one before. One day, I remember, he was in the walls. In the walls! I could hear him, scratching and scampering. We lived in an old, leaky house. So, after getting the landlord (who was about as thrilled with the ferret as I was), we had to rip out part of the wall to get the darn thing. Then, after we fixed the wall, he escaped again. This time, he squeezed into the *oven*. The oven! Like, inside! I don't know *how* he did it. I have no idea. We found Chaos, safe... and smelling faintly of burnt pizza (which, by the way, I don't even like. I only eat the crust because I'm a savage). The ferret escapades didn't stop there. Chaos also… let's just say, he preferred outdoor activities. He escaped the house so many times, I lost count. He even fought a dog. (Don’t worry, the dog was fine. Chaos, on the other hand, needed a trip to the vet). We had to give him away, and honestly, it was the best decision for everyone involved, especially the ferret! He ended up living a happy life with a nice farmer. I learned a valuable lesson that day: don’t get a pet you’re not ready for. Plus, ferrets are absolutely insane. True story.
Question 6: What are you passionate about?
Okay, this is where I try to sound all deep and profound, right? (But the truth is, I'm pretty much just a mess, a very *enthusiastic* mess.) I am passionate about… well, I'm trying to figure that out. For now, I'm passionate about a good book. A really good book. The kind that makes you lose track of time and space. And I guess I'm passionate about trying to be a decent human. (Emphasis on "trying.") Oh, and pizza. Always pizza.
Question 7: What's your biggest regret?
Hmm. Probably all the times I didn't speak up. Or maybe all the times I *did* speak up and said something dumb. There are so many to choose from! But you know, regrets are like… like that embarrassing pizza from forever ago. Can't change it! You just have to learn from it, eat the crust, and move on.
Question 8: So, what's next? What's the point of all this?
I actually have no idea! (See? Honesty!) Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. Maybe just another day, another slightly weird blog post. Maybe the point is just to… be. To exist. To laugh. To eat pizza. And to maybe, just maybe, connect with another human being (Nomadic Stays
