Windermere's Hidden Gem: The Mortal Man Inn - Unforgettable Stay!
The Mortal Man Inn: More Than Just a Room, It's a Whole Vibe (and a Bit of a Head-Scratcher) - A Messy Review.
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because I'm about to spill the (strong, hopefully not lukewarm) tea on The Mortal Man Inn in Windermere. "Unforgettable Stay" it claims, and frankly, it sticks in your memory like a particularly potent cheese. This review? Well, it's gonna be as messy and honest as a toddler with a tub of Play-Doh. Let's dive.
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First Impression: Accessibility & the Whole Entrance Thing
So, the Mortal Man. First things first: getting there. My little old banger (car, not "old hag," though I’ve thought it) found parking alright, mostly free, which is a massive win in the Lake District. There’s a car park on-site, too, and they even have a charging station for the fancy electric contraptions. Score one for the environment (and people who don’t drive jalopies like me).
Accessibility… hmmm. The website talks a good game, and I'm just saying, the elevator was KEY. I'm not exactly a contortionist, and lugging suitcases up stairs is definitely not my idea of a good time. I noticed some rooms are “accessible” in the sense of like, having a ramp to enter, but I swear the hallways could be a little tighter. I didn't get a chance to verify this firsthand, but it's something to look into if you really have issues with mobility.
Rooms: Home Sweet (Slightly Eccentric) Home
My room? Cozy. Almost too cozy. Think slightly dated charm, but with all the modern essentials. A proper coffee/tea maker was a godsend, because, hey, caffeine is a survival necessity. Free Wi-Fi? Yup, in ALL rooms. Hallelujah! I swear, some places treat WiFi like a luxury. And the bed? Comfy. Like, sink-into-it-and-never-leave comfy. They even had a desk and a laptop workspace, which was helpful for, you know, pretending to be productive while secretly browsing vacation photos. Oh, and the window was openable. A simple pleasure, but honestly, some places seal those things shut. Annoying!
Now, the bathroom. It was… fine. Good toiletries. Powerful shower (always a point in my book). They had fluffy bathrobes and slippers, and a little scale, which I definitely stayed away from after all the buffets. 😉
The Glorious Grind: Things to Do & Ways to Unwind (And Maybe Regret Some Choices)
Right, let's talk about the real winner here: the SPA. They had a sauna, a steam room, various massage options (I went for a "deep tissue" - which turned out to be "face down and pray you don't cry" deep tissue) and even a pool with a view. And by view, I mean a ridiculously beautiful view of the Lake District landscape. Pure bliss. My muscles were screaming (in a good way) after the massage. I felt like I'd been run over by a herd of fluffy sheep. Worth it.
The gym/fitness area? Yeah, I looked at it. From a distance. Let's just say my idea of exercise involves walking to the buffet. But hey, it's there if you're the active type! They also have a lot of other ways to unwind: body wraps, foot baths, etcetera.
Dining, Drinking, and the Endless Buffet - A Culinary Adventure (Mostly Successful)
Okay, the food! This where things got interesting.
Breakfast: They do a buffet. A massive, glorious, carb-laden buffet. Full English? Yup. Asian breakfast? Also yup. Pastries? Oh, you know it. I may have overindulged. More than once. Breakfast in room? Yes, available! Breakfast takeaway service? They're covering all the bases.
Restaurants: Multiple! Fine dining (a la carte), casual dining, a poolside bar (because, priorities). They seemed to specialize in International cuisine but with a heavy emphasis on Western dishes. The options felt vast, and I could see myself enjoying the happy hour, but I never made it! Next time.
Snack Bar: Handy for a quick bite, although I spent most of my time at the buffet… see above.
I did spot a Coffee shop.
The Quirks, the Crumbs, and the "Huh?" Moments
Now, no place is perfect. The Mortal Man has its… character.
Service: Generally excellent. Staff were friendly and helpful. Sometimes they seemed a little stretched thin, especially during peak hours. But everyone was genuinely trying.
Little Things: They offer a concierge, currency exchange, and even daily housekeeping.
The "Stuff": They host events. They have meeting rooms. You can get your laundry done. Invoice provided (for the businesses out there). It's got everything.
Safety & Hygiene: They’re taking hygiene seriously. Cashless payment, hand sanitizer EVERYWHERE, cleaning protocols are in place. They also provide individually-wrapped food options. I felt safe.
For the Kids (and the Big Kids at Heart)
Family-friendly! Babysitting service (for those who need it - not me…yet). Kids' meals available (though I'm not sure what constitutes a kids' meal these days – probably chicken nuggets and questionable red liquid).
The Verdict: Would I Go Back?
Honestly? Yes. Despite the occasional wonkiness, the Mortal Man Inn has charm. It has that certain je ne sais quoi that makes you feel like you're on a proper holiday. It's not flawless, but that's part of its appeal. It’s a slightly eccentric, well-meaning place. Just be prepared to maybe get slightly lost on the way to your room, and definitely prepare for a buffet induced food coma. You'll probably have a good story (or two) to tell. And isn’t that what travel is all about?
Escape to Greenville: Candlewood Suites' Unforgettable Stay Awaits!
Alright, buckle up, buttercups. This ain't your perfectly-polished travel itinerary. This is me, stumbling through The Mortal Man Inn in Windermere, UK, and dragging you along for the ride. Expect a few wrong turns, a lot of pints, and probably a tear or two (of laughter, hopefully).
The Mortal Man Inn: A Week of Utterly Unplanned Adventures (And Probably Haggis)
Day 1: Arrival and the Agony of the Train
Morning (8:00 AM): Leave the utter chaos of London (seriously, I’m pretty sure a badger tried to mug me for my sandwich) and embark on the train. Oh, the train. That metallic beast of delayed departures and overpriced coffee. This whole trip started with a last-minute booking. This is perfect because that is exactly how my life works. It is always a last-minute dash! My train was late, of course. Because why wouldn't it be? Spent the first hour stuck behind a crying baby and a bloke who kept loudly crunching crisps. Is that a common thing? Why do British people eat so many crisps (chips). I’m not complaining, I enjoyed their flavor but the man was crunching!
Afternoon (1:00 PM): Finally, FINALLY, arrive at Windermere station. Sweet, sweet Lake District air. The air smells like…freshness? Seriously, where I come from it smells like exhaust fumes and despair. Immediately feel a swell of happiness. Grab a taxi (a surprisingly un-British, sleek, modern car) and head straight to The Mortal Man Inn. The driver was lovely, a local chap who regaled me with tales of sheep rustling. Turns out, it's more common than I thought. Checked in, and breathed a sigh of relief. The room is…compact. Let's call it cozy. There's a little window with a view of… a wall. Ah well, rustic charm, right?
Evening (6:00 PM): First Pint! Found the pub, and dove headfirst into a pint of something local and vaguely bitter. The real pub life started. This is where the magic happens. Met a group of locals who immediately started teasing me about my accent (apparently, I sound "like a Yank trying to do a pirate impression"). One of them, a woman named Brenda with a laugh that could shatter glass, told me the best tale of her life. Brenda loves to talk and I love to listen! She said there’s a good tale of a terrible tourist who tried to feed the ducks with a bag of chips. I felt like I could stay there forever.
- Dinner (8:00 PM): Ordered fish and chips, because, when in Rome. The chips were phenomenal. The fish was… well, it was fish and chips. The pub was packed, the atmosphere buzzing. Ate my dinner and chatted with Brenda! We talked about my cat, her garden, and the meaning of life.
Day 2: Lake District Blunders and Boat Trouble
Morning (9:00 AM): Attempt to be a nature-lover. Decided to hike to Orrest Head, a supposedly "easy" walk with "breathtaking views." Easy, my arse. I am not an athletic person. I was panting like a dog by the time I reached the top. The views were, admittedly, pretty spectacular. Managed to take a photo without tripping and falling. Success! Back at the hotel. Now I want to climb into my bed.
Afternoon (1:00 PM): Took a boat trip on Windermere. The water was beautiful, sparkling. The sun kept jumping out. Started out happy and excited. But then the boat started. There was this couple in front of me who started kissing! Like, really kissing. On a boat. I wish I had a camera. This really gave me a good laugh! I was so uncomfortable. I think their love was wonderful but I don't know, the sudden romantic display messed with my peace of mind.
Evening (6:00 PM): Back to The Mortal Man. Second round of pints. This time befriended a couple called John and Susan, who were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. They shared their secret: separate bathrooms and a healthy dose of sarcasm. Brilliant. John told some stories of his youth I wish I could forget!
- Dinner (8:00 PM): This time, I ordered the pork belly. Oh. My. God. It was heavenly. Crispy skin, melt-in-your-mouth meat. I nearly licked the plate clean.
Day 3: The Wordsworth Woes and a Sheep Encounter
Morning (10:00 AM): Decided to be cultured. Went to Dove Cottage, William Wordsworth’s house. Was super emotional at the thought of him. I got emotional looking at his books and his quill. The tour was fascinating, but honestly, I was mostly distracted by the fact that all the tourists kept touching everything. It was a real mess. The gift shop, on the other hand, I enjoyed.
Afternoon (1:00 PM): Decided to visit a farm and see some sheep. I love sheep. The moment I spotted one, I was in heaven. I spent the afternoon watching the sheep, laughing at them, and occasionally trying to pet (but, sadly, I kept getting rejected).
- Afternoon (3:00 PM): I wanted to have a tea. Not just any tea. I wanted the best tea in the world. I went to Laura's tea room. The tea was excellent and the scones were great! Definitely worth the trip!
Evening (6:00 PM): Started to feel incredibly emotional. Walked over to the pub and met an old woman named Marie. She had a smile and great conversation. We had dinner together!
- Dinner (8:00 PM): I didn't want to order dinner alone. So I asked Marie if she would let me buy her dinner. Marie agreed and we had a wonderful time!
Day 4: Embracing the Chaos (And the Haggis)
- Morning (9:00 AM): Woke up with a vague sense of dread. Today’s the day I finally try haggis. I’ve been avoiding it like the plague. But, you know, when in Rome.
- Breakfast (9:30 AM): Started the day by ordering the Mortal Man’s full English. It was HUGE. I didn’t finish it.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): Tried the haggis. It was… intense. Let's just say I didn't love it, nor did I hate it. I don't think I'll be craving it, but hey, I tried something new. I felt that it was good for me to try.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM): Decided to just buy a pint. The best decision of the week. I found a group of regulars who were playing cards. They were all very lovely.
- Evening (6:00 PM): Got a good night's sleep.
Day 5: The Lake District's Farewell
Morning (9:00 AM): Decided to revisit the lake. The lake looks different every day.
- Afternoon (3:00 PM): I decided, due to the lack of things I wanted to do and the rain I had to take a nap until it was time to go to the pub.
Evening (6:00 PM): Walked to the pub and decided to say my farewells. The people there were wonderful. I enjoyed the conversation. I realized that I felt more at home than I ever have.
Dinner (8:00 PM): I went with the locals. I knew that I was not going to stay forever. It made me sad but I know that I can come again. We were all sad. This was perfect.
Day 6: Going Home
- Morning (7:00 AM): Packing. The worst part of any trip. Feeling a mix of sadness and exhaustion. The bed was great.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM): The train home. The train was delayed.
- Evening : I am home.
Final Thoughts:
This trip was a mess. It was unplanned, slightly ridiculous, and occasionally uncomfortable. I encountered everything from sheep to haggis. And yet, it was perfect. The Lake District, with its stunning views, quirky locals, and endless supply of pints, somehow managed to work its way into my soul.
So, if you’re looking for perfection, go somewhere else. But if you wanna embrace the chaos, the awkward moments, and the genuine connections… well, then The Mortal Man Inn might just be the place for you.
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The Mortal Man Inn: Your (Potentially) Unforgettable Stay - FAQs (and My Ramblings)
Alright, so you're thinking about The Mortal Man Inn, eh? Smart move, perhaps. Or maybe you're just curious. Either way, let's dive into this whole “hidden gem” business. Be warned, though, this isn’t your average, sterile FAQ. Consider this more like… my unfiltered thoughts after, well, *experiencing* the place.
What exactly *is* The Mortal Man Inn? Is it actually good?
Okay, the basics. It's a pub with rooms nestled somewhat near Windermere. "Hidden gem" is pushing it a *little* – it's on the map alright, but the actual experience... that’s where it gets interesting. Good? Define "good." It's not the Ritz, let me tell you that. It's more... *rustic*… shall we say? Think roaring fires, creaky floorboards, and the vague scent of old beer that clings to everything (in a good way, mostly. Okay, sometimes a *questionable* way). Look, the photos online are generally flattering. The truth is, it's a living, breathing pub, not some sterile hotel. And *that's* the appeal (I think… mostly).
Is it difficult to get to? Parking?
Getting there, well, that depends on your sat-nav's mood. Seriously. It's down some winding lanes. My GPS tried to send me into a field once. Took a good 20 minutes to work out I *wasn’t* meant to become one with the sheep. Parking… is a bit of a free-for-all. Embrace it. There’s a car park, but it fills up quickly. Expect some maneuvering. Expect a bit of a trek. Expect to curse your decision to drive (then, immediately remember the fantastic pint you're about to have and feel a little better). I swear, the car park is smaller than my living room. Someone really needs to invest in a parking expansion.
What are the rooms like? Are they… clean?
Ah, the rooms! Let's just say a stay at The Mortal Man Inn is a commitment to authenticity. Clean? Well… they aren't *filthy*. They're definitely… lived-in. Think charming imperfections. My room had a slight tilt, which made me feel sea-sick until I had a few pints. The bathroom? Functional. Could have used a bit more water pressure (and maybe a new shower head), but hey, it’s part of the experience, right? I *did* find a rogue dust bunny the size of a small dog under the bed. But, honestly? It was kind of endearing. (Maybe I'm just easily pleased after a couple of ales…)
The food… what's the food *really* like?
The food… Oh, the food. This is where The Mortal Man *kind of* redeems itself. Classic pub grub, done well. Hearty portions. The steak and ale pie is legendary (and for good reason! Seriously, get it). The chips… crisp perfection. I practically inhaled my Sunday roast. The service is good, friendly and definitely made to go with the food. But if you're expecting Michelin-star dining, you're in the wrong place. This is comforting, honest food. Exactly what you want after a day spent hiking (or, you know, dodging rogue sheep). I went back three times in a row one week, I thought the food was just that good. I even tried to get the recipe for the pie. But the chef just smiled, winked, and poured me another pint. He was probably sick of me after the third trip.
What about the atmosphere? Is it *loud*?
Loud? My friend, "loud" is an understatement. You're *in* a pub, remember? There’s usually live music. Expect laughter, the clinking of glasses, and the occasional drunken singalong. Embrace it. It's part of the charm. If you're looking for hushed whispers and quiet contemplation, this ain't it. I once tried to read a book by the fire, but after about five minutes, I was drawn into a conversation with a group of rambunctious locals. They were telling stories for hours. It was wonderful, even if I couldn't remember the plot of my book the next day. Honestly, it's a fantastic atmosphere. But if you crave solitude, maybe bring noise-canceling headphones, or pick a less busy time. They also have rooms for you to escape to at night if that's your thing.
Any downsides? Anything I should avoid?
Okay, the downsides. The aforementioned parking. The slightly wonky rooms. The sometimes… *robust* plumbing. Avoid: being too precious. If you're the type who gets stressed about minor imperfections, this place might not be for you. Also, try to avoid going near the dartboard if you're easily startled. I made that mistake. Let's just say I'm still finding stray darts in my shoes. (Okay, that’s probably an exaggeration, but you get the point.) The internet is a little spotty. Prepare to disconnect. And, be warned: you might find yourself wanting to stay forever. That's not necessarily a *downside*, but it’s something to consider, especially if you have responsibilities. Or a life. Or, you know, a job.
Would you recommend it? Honestly.
Honestly? Yes. Absolutely, wholeheartedly, YES. It’s not perfect. Far from it. It's a bit rough around the edges. It has its quirks. But that’s what makes it special. It’s a genuine experience. It’s a place where you can relax, (over)indulge, and feel like you're part of something. It's a place where you can escape the routine of the modern world and embrace the simple pleasures: good food, good beer, and good company (even if that company mostly comprises boisterous locals). Go for it. Just... pack your sense of humor and your comfy shoes. You'll need both. Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I’m craving a steak and ale pie…
