Cologne's Hidden Gem: Hotel Merlin—Unbelievable Luxury Awaits!
Cologne's Hidden Gem: Hotel Merlin - Where Luxury Whispers (and Sometimes Shouts a Little)
Okay, folks, buckle up. This isn't your average, bland hotel review. This is my experience with the Hotel Merlin in Cologne, and trust me, it was a ride. Prepare for some rambling, a dash of cynicism, a whole lotta opinion, and maybe, just maybe, a tiny bit of actual helpful information.
(SEO & Metadata: Hotel Merlin Cologne, Luxury Hotel Cologne, Accessible Hotel Cologne, Spa Hotel Cologne, Cologne Germany, Wheelchair Accessible Hotel, Free Wi-Fi Hotel Cologne, Spa with a View, Pool with a View Cologne, Safe Hotel Stay, COVID-19 Safety Hotel, Hotel with Restaurant Cologne)
First off, finding the bloody place. Cologne's a maze! But, despite my questionable sense of direction, the accessibility was fantastic. Wheelchair accessible throughout, the ramps were smooth, the elevators actually worked (a miracle!), and the staff? Gods, they were good. Always smiling, always helpful. Even I, a notoriously grumpy traveler, cracked a smile a few times. (Okay, maybe more than a few…)
Accessibility & Related Rambles:
- Wheelchair Accessible: Seriously, a big check mark. They've thought of everything. Wide hallways, accessible rooms… just top-notch.
- Elevator: Praise be! No lugging suitcases up five flights.
- CCTV in common areas/outside property: Made me feel a little safer, even though I'm usually paranoid anyway.
- Facilities for disabled guests: Spot on. They really cater to everyone.
Now, about those rooms. I'm pretty sure I could live in mine. (And considering my current apartment, that might be an upgrade.)
Available in all rooms:
- Air conditioning: Needed. Cologne summers are no joke.
- Alarm clock: Old school, but it works!
- Bathrobes & Slippers: The ultimate in hotel luxury. I basically lived in them.
- Bathtub & Separate shower/bathtub: The perfect combo. I soaked for hours.
- Blackout curtains: Essential for sleeping off that Kolsch.
- Closet, Desk, In-room safe box, Ironing facilities: Standard, but appreciated.
- Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea: Crucial, especially after a late night.
- Daily housekeeping: My room was spotless every day. Magic!
- Extra long bed: Finally, a bed my six-foot-something frame could actually stretch out on!
- Free bottled water: Hydration is key in a foreign city.
- Hair dryer: Pretty standard, but works well.
- High floor: The view was amazing.
- Internet access – LAN, Internet access – wireless, Wi-Fi [free]: Yep, all worked. No complaints from my online addicted self.
- Laptop workspace: Perfect for those work-ish moments (which I tried to avoid).
- Linens: Soft. Cloud-like. I may have considered stealing a pillow.
- Mini bar, Mirror, Non-smoking: All present and accounted for.
- On-demand movies: A nice touch for a lazy evening (although my German skills leave something to be desired).
- Private bathroom: Obviously.
- Reading light: The lighting was top notch.
- Refrigerator: Handy for storing snacks.
- Satellite/cable channels: Lots to flick through.
- Scale: Shudders. But, it was there.
- Seating area, Sofa: Comfy for sprawling out.
- Soundproofing: Important. You don't want to hear the shenanigans going on in the other rooms. I didn't… probably.
- Telephone: Don't think I used it.
- Toiletries: Decent quality.
- Towels: Fluffy, absorbent.
- Umbrella: Cologne weather can be unpredictable.
- Visual alarm, Wake-up service, Window that opens: Considerate touches.
Look, they really thought of everything. And the room decorations? Tasteful, not overly fussy. They've managed to make it luxurious without being pretentious.
The Little Things That Matter (And Some That Don't):
- Additional toilet - Always welcome!
- Socket near the bed - Genius!
- Interconnecting room(s) available - Good for families, I guess.
Now, let's talk about the real reason I went: the relaxation. And here, the Hotel Merlin delivered.
Ways to Relax & Spa/Sauna/Pool Galore!
- Body scrub and body wrap: Haven't tried them, but friends raved about them.
- Fitness center & Gym/fitness: Looked well-equipped, but I mostly used it for Instagram selfies (I kid, I kid… mostly).
- Foot bath: Delicious. Need more of these in my life.
- Massage: Heavenly. Seriously, book one.
- Pool with view & Swimming pool [outdoor] & Sauna & Steamroom: The real MVP. The outdoor pool! The view! The sauna and steam room! Forget your worries and sit there until your skin turns prune-like perfection. And the pool with a view? Amazing!
- Spa: A complete bliss-out zone. Pure indulgence.
Honestly, the spa facilities alone are worth the price of admission. I spent hours just drifting. It was glorious. You could leave the hotel and come back looking like you're ready to be on a magazine cover!
Things I Absolutely Loved (And a Few Gripes):
Okay, this is where it gets messy.
- The Pool with a View: Seriously, I could have lived there. The sun, the cocktail, the feeling of utter relaxation… Perfection. I spent hours there, just staring at the skyline, pretending I wasn't a stressed-out travel blogger.
- The Staff: I already gushed, but they deserve another mention. The concierge was incredibly helpful, and the bartenders knew exactly what I wanted after a long day.
- The Food (Sort Of…): The breakfast buffet was… well, it was a buffet. Plenty of options, and they actually had decent coffee. The Asian cuisine restaurant was excellent, the restaurants and bar were great for winding down, great for getting you ready to go out. The meals are great - especially the A la carte in restaurant. I did struggle a bit with their vegetarian restaurant - the menu was a little limited, but it was all good.
- The Location: Close enough to the center to be convenient, but just far enough out to be peaceful.
Areas for Improvement (Because Nothing's Perfect):
- The room service [24-hour] selection was a little limited. Would love more options, and the Coffee shop was a bit lacking in ambiance, and it was only open at certain times.
- The Happy hour was… well, it existed. The prices were good, the atmosphere was a bit lacking. Maybe I'm just picky! The poolside bar was amazing though.
- Invoice provided: They got this mixed up. Don't be me and get confused.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (Because Duh):
- A la carte in restaurant, Alternative meal arrangement, Asian cuisine in restaurant, Bar, Bottle of water, Breakfast [buffet], Coffee/tea in restaurant, Desserts in restaurant, Happy hour, International cuisine in restaurant, Poolside bar, Restaurants, Room service [24-hour], Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant, Vegetarian restaurant, Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant: Lots of choices. Something for everyone.
Safety and Cleanliness: The COVID-19 Question:
Okay, this is important. I'm a worrier. But I felt genuinely safe.
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hot water linen and laundry washing, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Room sanitization opt-out available, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Staff trained in safety protocol, Sterilizing equipment: They've taken every precaution. I'm not kidding. It was reassuring.
- Cashless payment service: Easy peasy.
The Extras (The Services and Conveniences):
- **Air conditioning in public area, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge, Contactless check-in/out, Convenience store, Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Indoor venue for special events, Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes, Seminars, Shrine, Smoking area, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events, Xerox
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your average, pristine travel itinerary. This is the real deal, the messy, beautiful, occasionally-disastrous journey of me, in Cologne, attempting to not look like a complete idiot. And I’m starting right here at Hotel Merlin. (Honestly, it's probably got a better handle on my sanity than I do.)
Hotel Merlin Cologne: My Cologne Chaos Itinerary (Because Let's Be Honest, Chaos is the Best Kind)
Day 1: Cologne Cathedral & Catastrophe (Sort Of)
8:00 AM - Arrive at Hotel Merlin: Whew, finally here. The train was late (surprise!), and my luggage decided to play hide-and-seek with the baggage carousel for a good five minutes. Hotel Merlin looks… well, it looks like a hotel. Clean-ish. Hope the bed’s comfy, because I'm going to need it after this day.
9:00 AM - Breakfast at the Hotel (Maybe): Okay, so the breakfast ‘buffet’ is less buffet, more… a sad collection of pre-packaged pastries and lukewarm coffee. I might have accidentally spilled coffee on my already stained t-shirt. Sigh. This is going well. Going to find a proper bakery soon. Hopefully, it has some real coffee.
10:00 AM - Cologne Cathedral: Attempt #1: Alright, cathedral time. Everyone raves about it. I, however, had a moment of pure existential dread standing in front of it. Gigantic. Gothic. Imposing. Made me feel like a particularly insignificant grain of sand. Also, I got distracted by a flock of pigeons having a massive bird party. Majestic, actually. Took a ton of photos. Probably forgot to take photos of the actual cathedral.
11:30 AM - Cologne Cathedral: Attempt #2 (and the Tower): Okay, regroup. Mandatory tower climb. Now, this is where the real adventure begins! The stairs. Oh, the stairs. I'm fairly sure I aged five years during that climb. The view, though, from the top? Spectacular. Absolutely worth the near-cardiac arrest. The wind nearly blew my hat off though. Never trust a hat.
1:00 PM - Lunch - Finding a Pretzel Paradise: Wandered away from the Cathedral, stomach rumbling like a disgruntled bear. Found a little bakery and a pretzel. A massive pretzel. The crunch? Divine. The salt? Overwhelmingly glorious. Ate the entire thing. No regrets.
2:00 PM - Museum Ludwig - Modern Art & Mental Breakdown (Kinda): Okay, so I tried to appreciate the modern art, I really did. Some of it was… interesting. Some of it was… well, I'm pretty sure my toddler could've done better. Spent far too long trying to decipher a piece that looked suspiciously like a pile of discarded pizza boxes. Decided to just enjoy the people watching.
4:00 PM - Chocolate Museum - Sweet Sweet Relief: Needed a pick-me-up after that art experience. Chocolate, obviously, was the answer. This place was heaven. Chocolate fountains, demos, historic artifacts. Ate so much chocolate, I think I’m now 70% cocoa. My pants are probably not thrilled.
6:00 PM - River Rhine Stroll & Accidental Ice Cream: Strolled along the Rhine, enjoying the beautiful light as evening approaches. Accidentally (and I mean accidentally and with no prior intention) bought some ice cream. Vanilla. Delicious. Sat on a bench, watched the boats, and felt… oddly content.
7:30 PM - Dinner: Brauhaus Feeling: Headed to a traditional Brauhaus. The food was heavy, the beer was plentiful, and the atmosphere was… lively. Basically, a giant beer hall with a lot of Germans. I'm not sure what I ordered, but I think it involved sausage. Ate the sausage. It was good. Maybe a little more beer than I should have had. (I blame the language barrier.)
9:00 PM - Back to the Hotel (and Bed): Somehow made my way back to the hotel without getting completely lost. Collapsed into bed. Dreamt of pretzels, chocolate, and possibly, a gigantic sausage. Cologne, you've been… interesting.
Day 2: The Fragrance of Cologne & a Bit of a Grind
8:00 AM - More Sad Breakfast: Repeat experience of yesterday with the breakfast, maybe a bit worse. Coffee is now an enemy.
9:00 AM - 4711 House of Fragrance: Ah, Cologne! The original Eau de Cologne! Supposedly. The store is ridiculously ornate. The fragrance smells… vaguely citrusy. Bought a small bottle because I felt obligated, like I was joining some secret, scented society. Honestly, I just wanted to buy some hand cream.
10:00 AM - Roman Museum: Walked through the Roman ruins. The past. I always feel like I should’ve been there for the experience. I always feel like I missed out on the past. Got a tiny bit morbid. Quickly shook off the thought.
12:00 PM - Lunch at a Trendy Cafe: Found a place with avocado toast. Yay! Finally a break from the sausage. (Although, I’ve developed a soft spot for it.) Became briefly obsessed with the barista’s tattoos. Avoided eye contact.
1:00 PM - Work Session (Ugh): Found a cafe with wifi. Had to catch up on some work emails. Let it get a little frantic. The "working from home" experience in a new country… Yeah. It's not going well.
4:00 PM - Chocolate Museum (Again. Don't Judge): Okay, so I went back to the chocolate museum. Because chocolate. They had a new exhibit on chocolate history. Fascinating, actually. And the free samples? Chef's kiss.
6:00 PM - Drinks by the Rhine (Attempt #2): Found a nicer bar and got a cocktail after being stuck working. Life is much better. Enjoyed the moment.
7:30 PM - Dinner - More Sausage? We'll see…: Found another Brauhaus (because, Cologne). This time, I’m prepared. Ordered something I can’t pronounce but hopefully, it does not involve sausage. Fingers crossed.
9:00 PM - Back to Hotel – And, Sleep!: Sleep! I can barely wait. It's been great!
Day 3: Departure – And a Plea (Please Don't Make Me Leave)
8:00 AM - The Breakfast Sadness is Still There: Sigh.
9:00 AM - Last Minute Cathedral Visit: Maybe I wasn't grumpy enough the first time. Or maybe I felt like I owed it. I am not sure, but I visited again. Enjoyed it more this time.
10:00 AM - Last Minute Souvenir Shopping: Gotta get those souvenirs! Found some quirky little shops. Bought some weird German things.
11:00 AM - Last Coffee (Real Coffee, Please!): One last attempt at proper coffee. Found a little cafe and the coffee was… actually pretty decent.
12:00 PM - Check out of Hotel Merlin: Bye bye, Hotel Merlin! Hope you enjoyed having me here. I kind of love you, for the experience.
1:00 PM - Train to the airport: Goodbye, Cologne. You've been… memorable. I'll be back. Soon. I hope.
Emotional Aftermath:
Okay, so Cologne wasn’t perfect. I got lost. I ate too much. I probably offended someone with my terrible attempts at German. My clothes are probably more chocolate-stained than I realized. But… it was good. I needed this trip. I needed to experience things, people and things. To get lost. To laugh at myself. To eat a ridiculous amount of sausage (and chocolate). Cologne, you weird, wonderful city, you got me. I'm tired and satisfied. On to the next adventure…
Unbelievable Luxury Awaits: Hotel Taihei Matsuyama, Japan - Your Dream Getaway
Okay, spill the tea! Is Hotel Merlin *really* as amazing as the hype suggests?
Is it really *that* luxurious? I mean, what's the deal with this "unbelievable luxury" label?
What about the location? Is it actually "hidden," or is it just another overpriced hotel in the city center?
Is it kid-friendly? Because, well, my kids are… let's say "energetic."
Okay, but what about the food? Is the Merlin Restaurant worth the hype (and the price tag)?
Give me the lowdown on other "hidden" perks or amenities? Any secret swimming pools or spa treatments?
Any major downsides? Anything you *didn't* like? Be brutally honest!
